watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
