Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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