my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
either way he was missing a nipple.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
