Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
