Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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