dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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