i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
