I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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