My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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