I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
