oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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