just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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