i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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