If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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