Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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