i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
smell my finger.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
