Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
