Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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