Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
