I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
