tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize