I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
