I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
