One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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