If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
