Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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