we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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