did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
