You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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