His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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