FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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