well I can't set my house on fire every night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize