I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
