almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
