You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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