Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
