There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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