Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How drunk are you?
Completed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
