idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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