I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
