Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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