We need to rekindle our bromance
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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