I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i barfeds in our rink
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
