wrigley field is MILF paradise
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
