My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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