Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
