so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
