I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
