ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
