I met the friendliest cop last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
