I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
