two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
