pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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