escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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