get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
