got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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