I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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