Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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