Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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