I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
