Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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