look no pants
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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