Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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