Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
