yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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